In my lifetime

All day I have been processing the historic vote of yesterday at the ELCA national assembly in Minneapolis. It is an amazing vote - one that I believed would happen eventually, but which took me by surprise yesterday. I cannot imagine the deep feelings that our brothers and sisters in the gay and lesbian community must be feeling. I also cannot imagine the disappointment that my brothers and sisters who are against this vote must be feeling. I am both humbled and amazed by the courage it took for us to reach this place in our history. I am honored to be serving a church that can address these issues, deliberate, search scripture, prayerfully consider one another's voices and then vote and reach conclusions that seek to include rather than exclude. God's grace comes to us all and in baptism we are claimed into the family of God. There is no exclusion - we are claimed by God and grace is ours. We don't earn it, we can't win it, we don't deserve it and we are all lost without it. I am thinking about a sermon for tomorrow and keep thinking of the gospel text from the lectionary and the words of St. Paul: "Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

The Practice of Pedaling

I like the 'practice of pedaling' as a metaphor because I have been a long distance bicycler in the adult years of my life. I haven't done much the last couple of years, and at the end of this week I am going to attempt the Habitat 500 ride. 500 miles in a week is a bit intimidating at this time of life, with not a great deal of time to devote to preparation. The longest ride so far I've done is 40 miles - but I tell myself if I can do forty I can do sixty. We'll see! I am comitted to riding and I hope to ride all 500 miles. But the 'practice of pedaling' says it all because in order to do a longer ride, I have to practice on shorter rides. It's kind of like the Christian life - in order to make it in the long run we need to build a base of faith and study of Scripture now that can sustain us when the going gets rough. We hope to be successful in the Christian life, but there are simply no guarantees because we are human and I have seen so many whose faith seems impenetrable fall prey to things they thought themselves incapable of. It's good not to fool ourselves! So, we practice faith as we practice many other things in life. If we fail there is always redemption, reconciliation and the ability to begin anew. God doesn't give up on us no matter how much or how often we might give up on God! If you study scripture from cover to cover that is the overriding message - God's faithfulness. So, as I ride those 500 miles this next week my plan besides pedaling (a lot!) is to pray. I have a whole list of names in my congregation alone of people that are going through difficult things; cancer, treatments, surgeries, relationship issues, divorce, and many other things. So as I pedal and pray I will be seeking God on their behalf - to give them strength, courage, perserverance, patience and peace. The 'practice of pedaling' could possibly become a spiritual discipline!

Palm Sunday and Holy Week

The life of a minister is incredibly busy during Lent, Palm Sunday and Easter. I have been asked how I maintain the spirituality of it all, or if it just becomes business. Some of it is business to be sure, in fact much of it is the business of getting things done. I am driven to distraction by all the details of this time of year. However, on Palm Sunday we have a reader's theatre type reading of the passion story - I am narrator, and I find myself being filled with emotion during this reading. I tear up many times, I even get choked up at times, and it certainly hits me with full force as I understand at the spiritual core of my being the meaning of this story in my own life. That just happened this past Sunday, as it does most times I have publicly read the passion story. Yes, there are moments of deep spiritual meaning for me. I suspect as a minister I am not much different than anyone else who has faith, commitment, spirituality and depth. We are all touched at moments by God in our lives. We don't control it, we can't cause it, but it happens. Sometimes in the midst of the most menial tasks of life. Being a minister doesn't make me special, being a Christian doesn't make me special. God's love is for all that God created. I have found meaning in Christianity and in spirituality, but I don't demand that others find the same meaning in the same way. God is much too big to be contained in my small ability to understand God! And so during this Easter season I experience deeply a faith that is rooted in Christianity and that has grown in ways I haven't anticipated or sometimes even understand, because God is always the author of life - even my little life with all it's ups and downs. I am grateful for faith, because it sustains me when times aren't good and it adds another dimension to the joy I experience when times are good. "I believe, Lord help my unbelief "has long been a prayer I can relate to. I don't have all the answers, I don't even begin to understand sometimes why I am a minister, and yet I feel called to be here. What I know is that the mystery of God is the most compelling thing I have ever encountered in my life and I cannot see myself doing anything else.

Advent

I am trying to slow down and focus on the season of Advent - of waiting, longing for God, and looking inward. I am seeking quiet and silence, and yet my world seems so loud and busy! Advent is a conundrum for me - the whole meaning of the season against the backdrop of one of the busiest times of year for the church. Not to mention all the invites for parties, concerts, recitals, etc. ad infinum. Into the midst of the craziness of this world comes the Advent of God in the birth of a little baby - not surprising, since it is the birth of a child that stops most of us short in the miracle of it all. Last week I was stopped short by a visit to the emergency room and a two night stay at the hospital. Chest pain, strong and unbearable sent me by ambulance to the hospital. Treatment, tests and discharge. I call this type of event a time warp, because it threw off my days, my schedule, my busy life and forced me to be still. It also refocused my life on gratitude; thankfulness for good medical care, a loving husband, another pastor and a congregations prayers. So maybe the idea during Advent isn't to seek quiet and solitude, maybe it's just opening my eyes and heart to the reality that it was into this crazy world that God came to be with us in all times. Quiet, loud, sad, happy, depressing, and all the moments of life - not to seek out some special feeling of God's presence, but to be aware of it at all times. God is always in the midst whether we notice it or not - it is the promise of the Christ child, Emmanuel, God with us. I'm so grateful for that reality that reconciles the world.

Winter is coming

Isn't it funny how we need to adjust to things? I have been sleeping for ten hours each the last two nights because I'm exhausted. I wonder about how the human body needs to adjust when the weather changes abruptly. It's become quite cold in the last two days and I think I need the extra sleep because of that. Of course, my schedule is demanding, but not more so than it ever is and certainly not more so than this summer. Somehow, I have a body that functions much better with sunshine and warmth than with darkness and cold. I guess we might call this seasonal affective stuff, but I simply don't like it! It affects my mood as well because my self-assessment is that I seem to be more negative than positive. And so in these days of early darkness and cold, I pray for the warmth that I got in touch with in those things outside myself that come through paying attention to the light of God in the world. I pray for the warmth of people, places, events and moments of clarity of God's presence in the world.

Chilled

Chilled is a word that says it all, really. It's Minnesota in early November, the weather is changing and I am chilled. Yet, even in the midst of this chill there is so much warmth. This morning I met with a committee to work on constitution changes that we are proposing for our church. The personnel chair and the congregation president and I met, and I am warmed by their presence. They are dedicated and focused on the good of this community of faith, which as a pastor warms my heart tremendously and I am so thankful for them and the gifts they offer "for the common good." Then, I met with a grief support group that began today and will meet for six weeks as we head into the season of Thanksgiving and Christmas which for many makes grief a particularly, well, grevious thing. Though the pain in this group was palpable, there was so much warmth. Warmth in the glow of the candles we lit to honor the grief and those we were grieving, but also in the hearts of those that even in the midst of their grief felt the love and compassion for their companions in this journey. On to lunch from there to experience the warmth of the person I ate lunch with - to hear her story and see her growth in her personal journey as she continues to seek to find her calling and passion in life. Even the warmth in the "comfort food" of mashed potatoes and gravy were a part of what helped me on the chilly day when I left the warmth of my home for the cold of the garage and car. I experience thankfulness, too, as I experienced the warmth of the heater in my car, knowing that in places in our world there are those who are chilled and seldom experience the warmth of a heater or a lovely home. Isn't it funny how when we take an experience such as being chilled and look at where the warmth is in life it can turn that experience on it's head? And, isn't that what God is always doing in our lives and in our world? Taking our ordinary experience and turning it on it's head? Leading us to new life, new depth and new appreciation for the gift of life and grace that comes only from God.

Vacation

It's that time of year again and I am seriously looking forward to vacation! My husband and I will leave on Oct. 13th for Palm Springs, and then we're also on our way to Sedona, AZ after that. We'll be gone about ten days. Last year we spent LOTS of time out and about on our vacation and I came home exhausted. My plan this year is to take some books to read, and to do a few things while we're there, but not to spend all our time running around. I need to really rest - to relax - take a walk each morning and enjoy just being. I do plan in Sedona to visit some of the "spiritual sites" - there are a few tours and I haven't decided what I want to do, but that draws me. I have a friend who has visited Sedona, so I'm going to email and ask her to give me some sense of what she thinks would be good for me to do. She and I participated in a two-year Spiritual Direction course and Sedona is an important spiritual place for her. Also, this year, I arranged vacation so I'll be home for a couple of days before heading to work and I'm not preaching on the Sunday I return! I'm so excited about that. Reformation Sunday will be my first Sunday back, and I look forward to participating - we have confirmation - but the Youth Family Pastor is preaching. I preside, and we both are involved in confirming the youth, but it's not like preparing the sermon. Bottom line for me is that I am looking for rest, renewal for my soul, and a reaffirmation of incorporating self care into my schedule when we return. Our lives are busy, and I am one of the pastors at a very busy parish. I need to work on building in that which nurtures my spirit and soul - particularly when it comes to being in natural environments. I have a very deep 'nature spirituality' and when I don't nurture that, I feel the difference in my personality, body and spirit. God's spirit is active in all the world, and I know God is present in every moment. I look forward to slowing down and really absorbing that over the next few weeks!